why Couples Don’t Fight
Have you heard, “All couples fight,” before? Is this something you believe? It’s not something I believe because my husband and I have had maybe one fight in our 13 years together and I can’t even remember what it was about. We just don’t yell and scream at each other. Never have. So why don’t we fight? Here are some of the reasons why I believe we don’t fight.
We Don’t Keep track
There’s no tally score kept on who has done what or who needs to do what. We each do what we do, and it seems to be enough to keep us from fighting with each other over little things like chores and household responsibilities. For the most part we help each other out and just get done what needs to be done.
We talk before we go to bed
If something is bothering one of us we have “pillow chats”. These are calm, simple, and straight forward conversations. We talk about the kids, his job, whatever is bothering us.
We are Emotionally mature
We both feel good about ourselves. We don’t let our baggage interfere with our discussions and we certainly don’t use each other’s faults as ammunition in an argument. My husband is generally a quiet person, he keeps his emotions in check which helps keeps thing cool and calm in stressful situations. I’m the one who has steam to blow, but I too keep things cool and calm for the most part.
We Want each other to be happy
My husband always says, “I just want you to be happy.” I believe him. So why fight? It will certainly make one or both of us unhappy.
We make each other a priority
Yes, the kids usually come first, but in the end my husband and I always get what we need to stay sane. So, there isn’t any fights about who’s had more alone time or mommy time or whatever special time they need to relax and process their day.
the little things don’t bother us
Anyone can say that they don’t let the little things bother them, but truly we don’t let the little things bother us. So what if someone left dirty dishes in the sink. It’s just as easy to put them in the dish washer as it is so fight over who put them in there or who’s responsible for putting them away. Why let it bother me?
tips to stop fighting
· Pick your battles. Is it worth the aggravation and stress? Talk about it when you are both calm, if you must bring it up.
· Practice conflict resolution. Come up with some simple way to deal with your situation that you can both agree upon. Compromise when at all possible. This article from Psychology Today has some great tips for solving conflict in relationships. Click here.
· Respect one another. Keep their wishes and desires in mind when talking or about to start an argument. Ask yourself if this is truly something that you need to get upset about.
· Remember that what every you say in anger can’t be taken back. It’s out there forever. Try to practice reacting in a positive way that helps instead of in anger, which only makes thing worse.
· I know what I’m about to say is easier said than done but communicate calmly. Keep your voice quiet and sincere. If you keep it under control, then it’s more likely you’ll resolve the argument without yelling.
Keep Reading: How Unmet Expectations Are Ruining Your Relationships
Do you have any tips to share? Please leave a comment below.