We all have expectations. We all expect our children to behave a certain way. We expect our spouses to help around the house. We expect friends to follow through with what they say they are going to do. There are even expectations we have for total strangers, such as cashiers, whom I want to treat my fruits and vegetables nicely. We even have expectations on ourselves. All relationships thrive on expectations. Many of these expectations end up unmet. It can be very frustrating to deal with these unmet expectations.
It took me many years to learn what I’m about to tell you about expectations.
Let me give you an example before I get to my point. Say you ask your spouse to clean up the living room. You use those exact words, “Clean up the living room.” So, you go about your business. Later when you see the living room you found that he or she pushed all the toys into the corner, threw the couch blanket and pillows into a pile, and just threw away any trash. Nothing was returned to is proper place. You get upset. Why?
Your expectations were not met.
It’s really very simple. Your spouse’s idea of a clean living room is totally different then your idea of a clean living room.
You could say because your expectations were not met, it’s your fault. Once I wrapped my head around this my life became easier. If one of my expectations were not met, it was easier to accept fault than to throw blame around. I’m not talking about blaming yourself to shame, or to take it to heart, but just a small acceptance that you were to blame because you were not clear and specific about what you wanted.
Communication is the key.
On the other hand, once you realized that your expectations are just that, your expectations, you can move on to better communication. You see the trick to having your expectations met is to be very clear and concise. You need to be very specific. What you should have said was, “Put everything in its pace, put the toys in the buckets, fold the blankets and vacuum.” Or something like that.
So how does is work with kids?
The same way. Be specific and clear with what you want your child to do. “I want you to put your shoes in the closet and hang your jacket on the hook.” Not, “Put your stuff away.” This was an issue with my boys awhile back. They would just throw their stuff on the floor in the closet and call it good. Once I reworded my expectations thing went much smoother. Now they do it automatically without being reminded.
What can you do about it?
I know I’m beating a bush here, but you need to be specific and clear. Accept it when things don’t go your way. You don’t always have control. Reword your expectations if they are repeatedly being unmet. Make sure you are doing your best to meet others expectations, ask them to clarify if you don’t understand.
Is there a way you deal with unmet expectations? Share with me in the comments.